…and so I will turn the page and start fresh. A new day, a better me, living to be the story I want to tell.
If you follow my blog via e-mail (which, I mean, you totally should!) you will notice from time to time you get notifications for posts that have dates that aren’t the current day. I have deleted all of my past blogs, and compiled them into this one. With that, as I begin to heal and move forward in the life I want to live, I find that the only way to close and heal from a chapter is to release it from my conscious.
I have a weird ties to deleting pictures. I take thousands of pictures, and hate deleting them, without a home for them or at least a use. Sometimes, deleting those pictures released mass amounts of burden, emotion, and bad memories- but even then, hitting delete is hard.
“There is no great agony, than bearing an untold story inside you.” -Maya Angelou
I have decided that I will give them a home, and a voice- here. I will backwards blog to events and times that play significant roles in my life and who I am at this moment in order to free myself of the mental and emotional burden those stories carry. It’s time my side of things be heard. It’s time I speak of the past not to live there, or bring energy there, but to release all ties and all need to hold onto it. Sometimes I think I hold onto things because I was so wronged, or so hurt, that if I let it go it will make my side of the story non-exinsistant, and let the other side win or be perceived as the truth.
I don’t consider myself a blog that people follow for my cutesy posts, my witty self-marketing, or some kind of “get paid to blog” lifestyle blog. This blog was started for me. To learn to let go, accept, and grow. On top of that I give my story life so that I may be able to help even one person. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.
I struggle at times to cope with the past, and I feel like it’s because I have locked it all away so tight. It sneaks out at inappropriate times in the form of anxiety, worry, or even pain and distrust in those around me. I have lost friends and family because I have not told my story (and even at times because I did). There is a lot of ups and downs to my life, but as I focus on the ups, I feel like I need to release the downs so they can no longer weigh me down.
So, as my blog grows forward, it will also grow backwards- for the sake of my sanity and understand and to set myself free.