Random Post

Love on Contact

After YEARS of envying people who are able to wear crazy costume contacts, I finally just sucked it up and got a pair…only have them in for picture purposes.

21687729_522010588144980_9100407988630931562_nAll of October I go all out for halloween and the only thing my costumes are always missing is my eyes. (I have a super severe astigmatism and was even turned down for eye surgery so I’m shit out of luck). They don’t make costume lenses in the BC & Diameter I need. The only thing I could do was what every other human did before the FDA put a regulation on them; I got a generic pair as close to my actual eyes as possible. (I need 14.4/8.4  for one eye and 14.6/8.8 for the other…most contacts come in 14.5/8.6)

Before you lecture me on how it’s illegal or dangerous. Im aware of the risks. Illegal? I’m not quite sure about that, maybe selling them without a prescription is the illegal part? I have no idea seeing as most states that have halloween stores or “alternative/goth” stores have these in cases you can just pick from.

Let the record show though: I haven’t left  them in longer than a hour since getting them. I was so excited to finally have got a pair, I put them in for pictures than took them out. The goal of these is to use them with  my costume for a couple of pictures and call it a day- not to wear for 12+ hours or everyday all day.


If could get the Manson ones I’m wearing in the picture or ones like these ones, which I like more, in my prescription I would be the happiest demon ever! Alas, I’m screwed and cant. My whole life, literally since pre-school, my eyes have been a problem, embarrassment, and just pain in the ass but this takes the cake for sure. I love how I look with them in and truly am happier than words to see them in a picture!


A poor fit on a cosmetic contact lens can cause serious eye damage including scratches on the cornea, corneal infection, pink eye, decreased vision and blindness, according to information on the FDA’s website.

I have been wearing contact lenses for almost 15 years now. I understand care, inserting and removing procedures, and what is “normal” for my eye to feel like. I am aware of warning signs and the dangers of placing these in my eye even if just for pictures.

DO NOT get contacts lenses without a prescription. Take the time to go to your doctor, get your prescription and order them online with the correct measurements. The cost of an eye appointment is far less than the cost of eye repair or blindness.

Healing · Random Post

Once Upon a Time- Backwards Blogging, Living in the Past to Heal the Future

…and so I will turn the page and start fresh. A new day, a better me, living to be the story I want to tell.

If you follow my blog via e-mail (which, I mean, you totally should!) you will notice from time to time you get notifications for posts that have dates that aren’t the current day. I have deleted all of my past blogs, and compiled them into this one. With that, as I begin to heal and move forward in the life I want to live, I find that the only way to close and heal from a chapter is to release it from my conscious.

IMG_9473I have a weird ties to deleting pictures. I take thousands of pictures, and hate deleting them, without a home for them or at least a use. Sometimes, deleting those pictures released mass amounts of burden, emotion, and bad memories- but even then, hitting delete is hard.

“There is no great agony, than bearing an untold story inside you.” -Maya Angelou

I have decided that I will give them a home, and a voice- here. I will backwards blog to events and times that play significant roles in my life and who I am at this moment in order to free myself of the mental and emotional burden those stories carry.  It’s time my side of things be heard. It’s time I speak of the past not to live there, or bring energy there, but to release all ties and all need to hold onto it. Sometimes I think I hold onto things because I was so wronged, or so hurt, that if I let it go it will make my side of the story non-exinsistant, and let the other side win or be perceived as the truth.

9ddb97b5d6c3a6c1b2627bdd47f8c648.jpgI don’t consider myself a blog that people follow for my cutesy posts, my witty self-marketing, or some kind of “get paid to blog” lifestyle blog. This blog was started for me. To learn to let go, accept, and grow. On top of that I give my story life so that I may be able to help even one person. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.

I struggle at times to cope with the past, and I feel like it’s because I have locked it all away so tight. It sneaks out at inappropriate times in the form of anxiety, worry, or even pain and distrust in those around me. I have lost friends and family because I have not told my story (and even at times because I did). There is a lot of ups and downs to my life, but as I focus on the ups, I feel like I need to release the downs so they can no longer weigh me down.

So, as my blog grows forward, it will also grow backwards- for the sake of my sanity and understand and to set myself free.


Healing · Random Post

Officially Divorced- Closing a Chapter and starting a new!

4 Years, 11 Months, 9 Days.


divorcedAs of 1019 this morning, the Judges Staff Attorney emailed me to confirm, that after nearly TWO YEARS of jumping through hoops, my divorce FINALLY went through and is DONE. After nearly 5 years of marriage, (the last 2 which were spent separated) I can finally close that chapter of my life and move on. It’s all over. Bittersweet, but over.

I took a lot away from my experience being married, and have learned so much about myself. I am a better person because of this marriage and divorce. There is no hard feelings, no bad wishes, and absolutely no reason the two of us will ever have to speak another word to the other. Was the past a train wreck? yep. Were we both at fault for this? yes. Are we both completely better this way? without a single shred of doubt.

This chapter of my life is closed, locked, thrown through the shredder, shreds burned, and ashes pissed on than burned again. I have tossed the match on that gas covered bridge and I’m not ever looking back.

Random Post

Laser Eyes- The Frustration of Being Forever Four-Eyed

Today I went into one of Cleveland’s top Lasik Eye Surgery Centers; Lasik Vision Centers of Cleveland . Chosen for their flawless 5.0 star rating, amazing reviews, and innovative state of the art equipment that is completely knife free, I was beyond excited for to book 18009877_443586402654066_599172362_n.jpgmy free Lasik Eval.

I have worn glasses since Kindergarten, and contacts since 2004. I have no idea what it’s like to see without something on my face or in my eye.

As it came time for me to order new boxes of contacts (which I can’t do online, only through a Doctor because of my horrible astigmatism and farsightedness) I decided I was absolutely over this hoop jumping and started researching Lasik Eye Surgery Centers. I know a huge number of friends and family members who have had it done and ranted and raved about it.

I have been wearing Cooper Visions “Pro Clear” toric lenses from day one of contacts, and I am nearly at the max of ability to wear contacts (yes, at 28 my eyes really ARE that bad). Seeing this made me nearly cry. Glasses are a huge inconvenience!! I cant wear sunglasses at will (and I would rather be blind than wear transition lenses, there is NOTHING attractive about those nor do I think they come in my script), they fall off when I’m super active, they slip often, and worse of all- my script is so high I
tend to look like a bug when wearing them. Not to mention they ruin makeup looks and 90% of my hairstyles because I have short hair. BLAH. I absolutely DESPISE my glasses. 12003208_151509665195076_1833634636718194045_n

Settling on Lasik Vision Centers of Cleveland, I went in today for my consultation- but without high hopes. I had been told by doctors in the past while getting my glasses or contacts script that I wouldn’t be a good candidate for Lasik or PRK. The staff was AMAZING! They were so friendly and informative. They detailed each step of the exam they were doing to see if  I was a candidate. After doing a series of tests (none of which blew air in your eyes or anything crazy!) I waited in the crazy chair that has the “which is better one or two” machine attached to it. After a series or “one or two” “a or b” tests from the Lasik Doctor, and blink and looked at me and exclaimed “My! You really do have one heck of a prescription!”.

At the point, she as gently as possible explained to me that they will not move forth with Lasik if they cannot guarantee 100% vision fix- and unfortunately for me and my astigmatism and far sightedness, I likely could not get that 100%. She wanted me to wear my glasses for another week (with no contacts) and than scheduled me to go Screen Shot 2017-04-17 at 1.14.59 PM.pngin again next Thursday to re-do the tests and confirm if I really am not a candidate, since I did have contacts in just the day prior- and apparently my toric lenses can throw things off.

So I wait another week to likely get let down for a final time. Could I get another opinion? Yes. Have I read the reviews and such of all of the other places in the Area (and even those an hour away!) Yes. Am I comfortable going to place that isn’t using anything close to as advanced as Lasik Eye Centers of Cleveland, Have reports of issues, failures, poor customer service and letting them “wing it” and try to fix my eyes to make a dollar? Absolutely not. If the top of the barrel says “yeahhh, no” I’m not going to pick from the bottom!

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t crushed. I can’t see without glasses on or contacts in- and I don’t mean that as a joke, my eyes are THAT bad. I love do adrenaline filled things like roller coasters, sky diving, roller derby and anything that involves going fast. Glasses seriously impact that ability, and without them on doing those things can cause motion sickness, headaches, or loss of coordination. As I near the end of my contact wearing life, this was the light at the end of the nearly 3 decades of eyewear. I guess I am doomed to forever be four eyed.